When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun. And won.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with is teeth, and boils his water with his rage.

Dinosaurs once crossed Chuck Norris. Once.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard. There is only another fist.

Guns carry Chuck Norris for protection.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he's pushing the Earth down.

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

If, by some paradox in the space/time continuum, Chuck Norris were ever to fight himself, he'd win.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because no one crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.

Chuck Norris sweats justice.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, it's just afraid to move.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

On the 7th day, God rested ... Chuck Norris took over.

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.

Chuck Norris stands faster than anyone can run.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.

The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters. Because not even glass is dumb enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.

When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.